FHE 6/25: Special Lessons

This talk, "Special Lessons" by Elder Ronald A. Rasband, centers on life lessons learned by caring for a child with special needs.  It really hit home for me with Caida's struggles with epilepsy the last 5 1/2 years.  When you have something like that strike in your life, you really do learn many small but powerful life lessons.  I had a hard time deciding exactly how to approach this talk this week (which is why you're getting it late); the first part of Elder Rasband's talk focuses a lot on having faith through adversity, while the second half of the talk really struck me as a call to action of sorts--to be superheroes in serving others!  Seriously, the word "superheroes" just kept running through my mind as I read.  :)  Anyway, I'd thought about going both ways, but really I wanted to focus on this idea of compassionate service for those in need, knowing the worth of souls is indeed great in the sight of God.  We sometimes think our families will just learn how to treat other children with special needs (or any different circumstances), but explicitly talking about these things--and ultimately about how much Heavenly Father loves us ALL--is absolutely necessary if we want to ensure our children and families are compassionate and accepting of all.

 

POINTS TO PONDER BEFORE YOU BEGIN:

 

• What lessons have I learned from my biggest trials?
• We know the worth of souls is great in the sight of God--what does that mean?  What is the worth of souls to us?
• What experiences have my children/family members had with special needs?

 

QUOTES:

 

• “A perfect body is not required to achieve a divine destiny. In fact, some of the sweetest spirits are housed in frail frames. …“Eventually the time will come when each ‘spirit and … body shall be reunited again in … perfect form; both limb and joint shall be restored to its proper frame’ (Alma 11:43). Then, thanks to the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we can become perfected in Him.”¹
• "Some might ask when faced with such suffering, how could Almighty God let this happen? And then that seemingly inevitable question, why did this happen to me? Why must we experience disease and events that disable or call precious family members home early or extend their years in pain? Why the heartaches? At these moments we can turn to the great plan of happiness authored by our Heavenly Father. That plan, when presented in the pre-earth life, prompted us all to shout for joy. Put simply, this life is training for eternal exaltation, and that process means tests and trials. It has always been so, and no one is spared. Trusting in God’s will is central to our mortality. With faith in Him, we draw upon the power of Christ’s Atonement at those times when questions abound and answers are few."
• "President James E. Faust, my boyhood stake president, said: “I have a great appreciation for those loving parents who stoically bear and overcome their anguish and heartbreak for a child who was born with or who has developed a serious mental or physical infirmity. This anguish often continues every day, without relief, during the lifetime of the parent or the child. Not infrequently, parents are required to give superhuman nurturing care that never ceases, day or night. Many a mother’s arms and heart have ached years on end, giving comfort and relieving the suffering of her special child.”"
• "Paxton’s family has learned they are surrounded by countless heavenly and earthly ministering angels. Some have quietly slipped in when needed and silently slipped out. Others have been at the door with food, doing the laundry, picking up the siblings, calling with encouragement, and especially praying for Paxton. Thus another special lesson learned: If you come upon a person who is drowning, would you ask if they need help—or would it be better to just jump in and save them from the deepening waters? The offer, while well meaning and often given, “Let me know if I can help” is really no help at all."
• "One night early in Paxton’s life, we were in the neonatal intensive care unit of the wonderful Primary Children’s Medical Center in Salt Lake City, Utah, marveling at the dedicated, undivided attention given by the doctors, nurses, and caregivers. I asked my daughter how we would ever pay for this and ventured a guess at what the cost would be. A doctor standing nearby suggested that I was “way low” and that little Paxton’s care would cost substantially more than I had estimated. We learned that much of the expense for care given in this hospital is covered by the generous gifts of time and monetary contributions of others. His words humbled me as I thought of the worth of this tiny little soul to those who were so carefully watching over him. I was reminded of a familiar missionary scripture that took on new meaning: “Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.”
  I wept as I pondered the limitless love our Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, have for each one of us, while learning in a powerful way what the worth of a soul is, both physically and spiritually, to God."

 

SONGS:

 

• "I'm Trying to Be Like Jesus"
• "I Am a Child of God"
• "I'll Walk With You"
• "Every Star is Different"
• "We Are Different"

 

OBJECT LESSONS:

 

• Don't Judge a Kiwi by its Cover by Jenny Smith: "Pass around the kiwi fruit. Make the point that the kiwi has a rough, unpleasant, hairy, tasteless exterior. Ask the students the following questions:1) What makes the kiwi fruit seem unappealing? (It's exterior.)
  2) What are some outward features by which we judge others?
  3) Who might be "kiwi people" around us?
  When the fruit has been examined by everyone, peel off the skin, and slice up the inside to share. Make the following points:
  1) Under it's unappealing exterior, the kiwi is an exciting, delicious fruit.
  2) The kiwi is one of God's creations. Do you think God loved it less than a shiny apple or perfect strawberry? Why not?
  3) You may feel you have a kiwi-like exterior. How does God feel about you? Read 1 Samuel 16:7.
  3) People around us might be like this kiwi -- unappealing on the outside. How must we treat "kiwi people" around us? (By looking at them as God does -- focusing the good that's on the inside. Read 1 Samuel 16:1-7)"
  
   

 

GAMES & LEARNING ACTIVITIES:

 

• There are a variety of activities you can do, but keep this great advice (from the experts) in mind:

Basic ideas to share with your child

1. No two people are the same -- some differences are just more noticeable.
2. A disability is only one characteristic of a person. People have many facets: likes and dislikes, strengths and challenges.
3. Children with disabilities are like all children in that they want friends, respect and to be included.
4. Children can be born disabled or become disabled from an accident or illness. You can't "catch" a disability from someone else.
5. Just because someone has a physical disability (when a part or parts of the body do not work well) does not mean they necessarily have a cognitive (or thinking) disability.
6. Children with disabilities can do many of the things your child does, but it might take them longer. They may need assistance or adaptive equipment to help them.
7. Try to use clear, respectful language when talking about someone with disabilities. For a younger child, keep explanations simple, such as, "She uses a wheelchair because a part of her body does not work as well as it could."

• One way to help children develop empathy is to do (tactfully) disability awareness activities--have them sculpt play-doh or get through a simple obstacle course, or even performing simple tasks like tying shoes or finding their way to the bedroom, but they have to adapt it because they are blindfolded/can only use one hand/foot, etc.  Discuss how they initially felt about having to do it with a "disability," but then focus more on the fact that they used their creativity to find a different way to do it, and it still got done--beautifully! Focus on the beautiful and positive things that come from various disabilities--like sign language and braille, and the special lessons mentioned in the talk.
• There's a story from the Friend (Tin Pot, 1998) about a girl who helps a boy with disabilities...and she learns that it's the flower that matters, not the pot you put it in.  (An object lesson, too!)  You could also (especially for younger children) find some books from the library about children with special needs and read and discuss them.
• For older children/youth: Allow family members a few minutes to find a scripture of either someone with disabilities coming unto Christ or of a prophet expressing concern over his weaknesses (there are quite a few to choose from!).  You could show pictures from the Gospel Art Kit.  Discuss how the Lord takes care of our needs one-by-one, and no one is exempt from His love and compassion.  If we truly want to take upon us the name of Christ, we must deal with people one-by-one in love and compassion as well.
• Also for older children/youth: Have a Q&A/panel discussion, or invite a family member with a disability to speak (if they're comfortable).  Children have so many great questions, both about the day-to-day stuff and how it all relates to the gospel, and allowing them to ask any questions and to hear about it all straight from the source can really make a big difference.  For example, my niece talks to her class sometimes about what is going on, how it makes her feel, etc., and once the kids can talk about it, they are MUCH more accepting of her differences. 
• From the sunbeam manual: "Using familiar examples from your ward or area, discuss how to show kindness and love to those who have disabilities. Help the children think of specific ways they might help a person with a disability. How can we show love (or play, etc.) to someone who cannot see? How can we show love to someone who cannot hear? How can we show love to someone who uses a wheelchair or crutches?"  (Really, giving specifics and openly talking about these things takes away a lot of the "mystery" of it all.)
• For younger children: have popsicle stick puppets or pictures of two children--one with a disability, one without--for each child.  Start by asking questions that get at their differences, such as "this child can use their eyes," etc., and have them hold up which child they think you're talking about...but end by moving into several questions that get at their similarities.  Point out that we all want friends, want to learn and grow and be healthy, have likes/dislikes, things we're good at and things we're not, etc.  Emphasize through this activity that people are more alike than different, no matter where they come from or what challenges they face. 

 

HANDOUTS & FREEBIES:

 

• The last picture in the "Service" category on THIS PAGE is a good coloring page.  :)
• There are some neat quotes to add to your files on disabilities from Church leaders HERE.
• There is a very practical coloring book free to download HERE that teaches kids disability etiquette--concrete ways to be kind.  Along with that, there are some great activity ideas, discussion items, and book recommendations from the same people HERE--you have LOTS of secular resources for this!  :)
   

 

CRAFTS & MORE:

 

• Make family superhero tee-shirts or capes! Discuss the principles of ACTION and SERVICE in this talk, and use the superhero costumes as a reminder to act. 

 

TREATS:

 

• Chocolate coins (worth of souls)
   

FHE 6/18: Gratitude

Gratitude is always a great topic to study.  :)  This week's FHE lessons ideas stem from Elder Russell M. Nelson's talk, "Thanks Be to God."  Gratitude, faith, and happiness are all SO interconnected in our lives--where you increase one, you increase the others.  Helping our families learn to be grateful and to express that gratitude--especially to our Heavenly Father--is SO key to not only this life but the life to come. I love Elder Nelson's talk because it gives us a LOT of specifics that we can be forever grateful about, even on our bad days.  It's worth the read just to stop and wonder at all the blessings we really do have!

POINTS TO PONDER:

• How good am I at being grateful when things go WRONG?
• What can I do to improve this in my own life, and in my family?

QUOTES:

• "Recently, Sister Nelson and I enjoyed the beauty of tropical fish in a small private aquarium. Fish with vivid colors and of a variety of shapes and sizes darted back and forth. I asked the attendant nearby, “Who provides food for these beautiful fish?”  She responded, “I do.”  Then I asked, “Have they ever thanked you?”  She replied, “Not yet!”  I thought of some people I know who are just as oblivious to their Creator and their true “bread of life.” They live from day to day without an awareness of God and His goodness unto them.  How much better it would be if all could be more aware of God’s providence and love and express that gratitude to Him."
• "Anyone who studies the workings of the human body has surely "seen God moving in his majesty and power"...Yet some people erroneously think that these marvelous physical attributes happened by chance or resulted from a big bang somewhere.  Ask yourself, "Could an explosion in a printing shop produce a dictionary?"  The likelihood is most remote.  But if so, it could never heal its own torn pages or reproduce its own newer editions!"
• "The attributes by which we shall be judged one day are all spiritual.  These include love, virtue, integrity, compassion, and service to others.  Your spirit, coupled with and housed in your body, is able to develop and manifest these attributes in ways that are vital to your eternal progression...God is the same yesterday, today, and forever, but we are not.  Each day, ours is the challenge to access the power of the Atonement so that we can truly change, become more Christlike, and qualify for the gift of exaltation and live eternally with God, Jesus Christ, and our families.  For these powers, privileges, and gospel gifts, thanks be to God!"

SONGS:

• "Children All Over the World"
• "For Health and Strength"
• "My Heavenly Father Loves Me"
• "Can a Little Child Like Me?"
• "I Thank Thee, Dear Father"

OBJECT LESSONS:

• Tell the children, "Look around the room and find all the things you can that are purple." After they had a few minutes to do so, she had them close their eyes. Then she said, "Okay, now tell me all the things you saw that were yellow."And they couldn't do it. That's because they had focused so intently on the purple that they didn't even notice the yellow things."  You can see the application to contentment and gratitude. When we focus on what we don't have, pretty soon that's all we can see, so we become discontented, and whiny, and unsatisfied. But when we focus on our many amazing blessings, we become more and more aware of them, and thus more and more content and humble and grateful. And I might add, happier. And more peaceful."  (Mary Ellen Edmunds, You Can Never Get Enough of What You Don't Need, [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2005], p. 153.)

• Display an empty cup, a spoon, and a container of water. Ask the children to think of the many blessings Heavenly Father has given them, and explain that each time they name a blessing they may take a spoonful of water from the container and put it into the cup.  Place the cup and the container of water in the pan or dish to catch spills, and place the pan or dish on a flat surface such as the table or floor.  Have the children take turns naming blessings and putting spoonfuls of water in the cup until the cup is filled to overflowing. Explain that Heavenly Father loves us and has given us many blessings. When we think of these blessings, we are thankful and filled with love for Heavenly Father. Heavenly Father has given us so many blessings that we can overflow with love, just like the cup overflowed with water.  (Read Psalms 23:5)
• Explain that being ungrateful for the Savior's sacrifice or refusing to accept the love of the Savior or his forgiveness in our lives is like if you spent months choosing the perfect birthday gift for person you love the most. You had sold everything you owned to purchase this special gift. Then, when it came time to give the gift, which you had wrapped in the most costly and beautiful wrapping you could find, the receiver simply looked at your package and said, "no thanks" without even opening it. The thought of how that would feel reminds me everyday to thank my Heavenly Father for the sacrifice of the Savior and recognize His hand in all the blessing I receive in this life and the blessings I will receive in the life to come. (Credit Unknown)

GAMES & LEARNING ACTIVITIES:

• We feel it is important for our family to visualize the many things we are grateful for. A simple activity that helps us to remember our blessings is called “the gratitude web.” One person holds a ball of yarn or string and identifies one thing for which he is thankful. Holding onto part of the yarn, he then tosses the yarn ball to someone else in the circle. That person then repeats the process, also holding onto a portion of the yarn. The activity continues until everyone has had at least one turn. Depending on the size of your family, you may want to play several times until a web is formed, connecting the group. ~Kristen W. Belcher
• Play “alphabetical gratitude.” Go around the room and have each person say something he is grateful for. The first person names something that starts with the letter a, and the next person names something beginning with the letter b. Continue around the room as many times as necessary until the entire alphabet is complete.
• For older children/youth: read D&C 59:16-22 together and discuss.  Create a list (from that scripture passage as well as just from your own experiences) of things each of us can ALWAYS be grateful for.  If they don't mention something that is in Elder Nelson's talk, read that passage together.
• Write thank-you notes (can attach treats or small gifts if you want, but not necessary) to neighbors, teachers, Church leaders, etc.  Talk about how much MORE we ought to thank our Heavenly Father, not only in words but in our actions.
• Make one of the gratitude-themed crafts below as a family.  :)
• In a primary lesson, children are challenged to find ways to SHOW their gratitude for specific blessings in different scenarios, not just tell but SHOW.  Scroll down HERE 'til you get to the heading "WE CAN SHOW OUR GRATITUDE THROUGH OUR ACTIONS"

HANDOUTS & FREEBIES:

• There's a very cute handout HERE about gratitude--both feeling and expressing it.  :)
• I have a generic 2"x6" bookmark about giving thanks HERE--the idea is that people can write in the journaling spaces what they're grateful for--you could laminate them and use dry-erase markers if you want.  I also have another bookmark using Elder Nelson's quote about the tropical fish HERE.  It's a 4"x6" handout, so you could use it as a postcard if you wanted, too.  :)

• There are a TON of coloring pages and games about gratitude, taken from the Friend, HERE.

CRAFTS & MORE:

• You could create a family gratitude jar, adding to it all year and reading them together on Thanksgiving Day or New Year's Eve.
• You could make gratitude journals to be filled out each evening or on Sundays (even the little kiddos can draw a picture and have parents label them).  Encourage gratitude for the LITTLE things just as much as the big things!
• Make a (paper) quilt with small white squares; each family member gets to draw on several squares, tape or staple them together and display somewhere for the week!  (Or, you could make a paper chain instead.)
• I know it's not Thanksgiving, but you could make a thankful tree like THIS one, anyway.  :)
• How about something simple--a frame and paper/dry erase markers or chalkboard paint make this cute Gratitude memo board interactive fun for the whole family.

TREATS:

• Anything you normally serve only on Thanksgiving would be appropriate here...especially being about midway through the year. :)  That means cute little turkey-shaped treats, pumpkin or other pies, your special cranberry sauce...all those things you get a craving for.  :)
• Make hand-shaped sandwiches, melon slices, or cookies.  Before kids can eat them, they must hold up their fingers and name 5 things (one for each finger) that they are grateful for.  

FHE 6/11: Forgiveness

This week's lesson is from the amazing talk on forgiveness by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, entitled "The Merciful Obtain Mercy."  I think everyone remembers this talk a little, because we ALL struggle with forgiveness in some way or another--whether holding grudges, judging others, gossiping, repenting, or forgiving ourselves.  I know I do, anyway.  So I'm grateful for the timely message that reiterates its importance, that reminds us that it's a simple thing (but not easy), and that we aren't alone in our quest to obey this important commandment.  Rereading it this week really brought a lot of peace to my own heart, and inspiration about what my next steps should be. 

POINTS TO PONDER:

• On a scale of 1-10, how good am I at forgiving others?  At forgiving myself? 
• What is keeping me from forgiving fully?  What can I do about it?  What can the LORD do about it?

QUOTES:

• "When we feel hurt, angry, or envious, it is quite easy to judge other people, often assigning dark motives to their actions in order to justify our own feelings of resentment."
• "This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following: Stop it!"
• "It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children."
• "Because we all depend on the mercy of God, how can we deny to others any measure of the grace we so desperately desire for ourselves? My beloved brothers and sisters, should we not forgive as we wish to be forgiven?"
• "Is this difficult to do? Yes, of course. Forgiving ourselves and others is not easy. In fact, for most of us it requires a major change in our attitude and way of thinking—even a change of heart. But there is good news. This “mighty change” of heart is exactly what the gospel of Jesus Christ is designed to bring into our lives. How is it done? Through the love of God."
• "The more we allow the love of God to govern our minds and emotions—the more we allow our love for our Heavenly Father to swell within our hearts—the easier it is to love others with the pure love of Christ. As we open our hearts to the glowing dawn of the love of God, the darkness and cold of animosity and envy will eventually fade."
• "My dear brothers and sisters, consider the following questions as a self-test:
  Do you harbor a grudge against someone else?
  Do you gossip, even when what you say may be true?
  Do you exclude, push away, or punish others because of something they have done?
  Do you secretly envy another?
  Do you wish to cause harm to someone?
  If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may want to apply the two-word sermon from earlier: stop it!"

SONGS:

• "Help Me, Dear Father"
• "Love One Another"
• "Jesus Said Love Everyone"

OBJECT LESSONS:

• Ask a class member to make a paper airplane, or make one yourself. Tape a coin, rock, or weight to one side of the airplane. Stand on the same side of the room as the class members, and ask a class member to throw the airplane gently toward the other side of the room. Next, pick up the airplane and remove the taped object. Have the class member throw the airplane again. After the class member has done so a few times, put the airplane away, and ask the following questions: How can just one small weight keep the plane from flying correctly? Explain that taping a weight to the wing of a paper airplane is like holding a grudge. When we refuse to forgive others, we carry around a weight that keeps us from traveling the straight and narrow path our Father in Heaven wants for us. It is important to forgive others so that we can enjoy the companionship of the Holy Spirit and grow spiritually.
• Fill a bag or sack with five heavy objects (such as books or rocks) that have each been labeled with one of the following words: revenge, hurt, hate, resentment, and anger. Have each family member take a turn trying to carry this heavy load. Explain that carrying those feelings in our hearts is an even greater burden than carrying the heavy bag. When we really forgive, we forget all of these feelings and are free from the burden of carrying them.
  

GAMES & LEARNING ACTIVITIES:

• There is a fun, life-sized board game idea (with printables, just click, print, cut and go!) about forgiving and forgetting HERE.
• Sometimes Paul & I play a game when we get a little road-ragey where we try to imagine all the good reasons why that guy just cut us off, or why that person was driving so fast.  It's easier to forgive someone for the little things when you try to understand their reasons and point of view--even if you don't agree with what they did.  There's a game kinda like that for kid-friendly situations HERE.  I'd be really interested to hear the funny reasons kids come up with for doing the things they do sometimes!  :)
• Prepare a simple obstacle course. Have each person try to get through it backwards. After everyone has had a turn, let them go through the same course looking forward. Discuss how looking forward is like forgiveness, because when we forgive, we can concentrate on our future and forget the hurts of our past.
• Write down a few situations where someone might accidentally (or even on purpose) make someone else sad, and have family members act them out with a forgiving ending.  Practice makes perfect!
• We just heard this story retold and reiterated in our Stake Conference (it's from 1983, from Bishop H. Burke Peterson).  Relate the story and his words yourself.  Discuss and have the kids act it out afterwards (especially if you have toy snakes anywhere!):

"For much of our lives, we lived in central Arizona. Some years ago a group of teenagers from the local high school went on an all-day picnic into the desert on the outskirts of Phoenix. As some of you know, the desert foliage is rather sparse—mostly mesquite, cat-claw, and palo verde trees, with a few cactus scattered here and there. In the heat of the summer, where there are thickets of this desert growth, you may also find rattlesnakes as unwelcome residents. These young people were picnicking and playing, and during their frolicking, one of the girls was bitten on the ankle by a rattlesnake. As is the case with such a bite, the rattler’s fangs released venom almost immediately into her bloodstream.

This very moment was a time of critical decision. They could immediately begin to extract the poison from her leg, or they could search out the snake and destroy it. Their decision made, the girl and her young friends pursued the snake. It slipped quickly into the undergrowth and avoided them for fifteen or twenty minutes. Finally, they found it, and rocks and stones soon avenged the infliction.

Then they remembered: their companion had been bitten! They became aware of her discomfort, as by now the venom had had time to move from the surface of the skin deep into the tissues of her foot and leg. Within another thirty minutes they were at the emergency room of the hospital. By then, the venom was well into its work of destruction.

A couple of days later I was informed of the incident and was asked by some young members of the Church to visit their friend in the hospital. As I entered her room, I saw a pathetic sight. Her foot and leg were elevated—swollen almost beyond recognition. The tissue in her limb had been destroyed by the poison, and a few days later it was found her leg would have to be amputated below the knee.

It was a senseless sacrifice, this price of revenge. How much better it would have been if, after the young woman had been bitten, there had been an extraction of the venom from the leg in a process known to all desert dwellers.

As I have said, there are those today who have been bitten—or offended, if you will—by others. What can be done? What will you do when hurt by another? The safe way, the sure way, the right way is to look inward and immediately start the cleansing process. The wise and the happy person removes first the impurities from within. The longer the poison of resentment and unforgiveness stays in a body, the greater and longer lasting is its destructive effect. As long as we blame others for our condition or circumstance and build a wall of self-justification around ourselves, our strength will diminish and our power and ability to rise above our situation will fade away. The poison of revenge, or of unforgiving thoughts or attitudes, unless removed, will destroy the soul in which it is harbored."

HANDOUTS & FREEBIES:

• There's a coloring page called "Forgiveness Makes Us Happy" HERE, where kids get to draw on happy faces and color the kids.  There's one specifically about Joseph (of Egypt) forgiving his brothers HERE--you could summarize that story with pictures while they color.
• There's a beautiful copy of a C. S. Lewis quote about forgiveness HERE (I'm sure you could print it off and frame it. :)
• There's a file folder game about forgiveness (and some great scriptural examples) available for free download HERE.
• I made a bookmark ('cause you can NEVER have too many of those :) with my favorite quote from President Uchtdorf's talk.  You can download it HERE.  :)  (It's a 4"x6" print, cut into two, as usual.)

CRAFTS & MORE:

• There's a cute kids' handprint craft & poem (you could make it grown-up and fancy if you wanted) about "forgiving fingers" HERE.
• You could stamp letters into metal brackets or washers for charms/pendants/bookmarks, like HERE.
• If you're really artsy, it might be healing to try your hand at art centered around forgiveness.  Check out HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE for inspiration.  :)

TREATS:

• Make S'mores in the microwave. "Don't just forgive....forgive s'more!" (Even 70x7)
• Have 490 of something (mini marshmallows, M&Ms, pretzel sticks, grapes, anything small that you can have A LOT of).  Read Matthew 18:21-22 together and discuss how we aren't really supposed to keep track, it's just a way of saying A LOT, completely, forever.  :)
• Make sugar cookie stop signs (or watermelon with "stop" written in fruit dip letters) and discuss the quote from President Uchtdorf about "stopping it."